i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
