I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
