I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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