OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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