i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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