420 ftw
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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