Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
