Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
