Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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