I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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