every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
