my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
