I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize