he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
