just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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