She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hippo gnu deer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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