Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
