i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
