ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
