Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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