you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
