i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
