I'm jealous of your bromance
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize