I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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