vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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