I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
