I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
