i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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