Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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