i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
