I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
