Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
