You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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