just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
