Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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