last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
