Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
