it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
