When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
