Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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