He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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