Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
