Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize