i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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