can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
