I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm bleeding and have questions
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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