i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
