having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize