I would go down on you faster than GM stock
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
