Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
