i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
