That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
