I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
