there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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