I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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