hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
