dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
