You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
