Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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