The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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