One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
