are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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