Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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