You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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