they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
