those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
