yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
