So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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