Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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