I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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