So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
